


It wasn't love

by lenfaz



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-03-15 10:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3443981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lenfaz/pseuds/lenfaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Daddy!Killian piece written for the CS Secret Valentine exchange.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [captain_k_jones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/captain_k_jones/gifts).



**_I._ **

**_A_** _nd when, when the night falls on you, baby  
_ **_You're feeling all alone  
_ ** _You won't be on your own_

He met her when he came back to the Enchanted Forest, decided to finally get his revenge.  He was walking around in the woods, lost in his thoughts, when he saw the redhead carrying a basket of laundry.

Her name was Sarah and her eyes reminded him of Milah and for once he wanted to get lost in someone’s embrace and pretend that Milah was still alive.

But she said no. She knew who he was… and she refused.

He didn’t give up. He could have many, he knew. But he loved a challenge.

_It wasn’t love_ , he said. It was the chase.

She finally agreed, on her terms, because she wanted to have a good time. He made sure she did.

It was the chase, she said. She appreciated the chase.

And then he came back. He kept coming back.

_It wasn’t love_ , he said. It was comfort.

In her little cottage in the forest, he felt different. He could escape his own vow of vengeance and just exist for a night. A warm dinner by the fire, tender arms holding him through the evening, a soft smile for him, real laughter and conversation.

_It wasn’t love_ , she said. It was company.

She had long ago given up on finding true love or even love. She lived a simple life and it was all that it mattered to her. She didn’t ask for more than what had been given to her.

The first time he offered her a pouch of gold, she threw him out of the cottage in the middle of a storm. _I might be poor, but I have my dignity_ , she told him; and it reminded him of Tink.

He never brought it up again.

He got back from one of his trips one day, pillaging and plundering thoroughly conducted, and went to see her.

She didn’t have to tell him, he guessed from her rounder belly and fuller breasts. He never asked if it was his, he didn’t have to. She told him not to feel any obligations, it was her choice and she’ll live with it. He told her he’d be there for her and the child.

_It wasn’t love_ , he said. It was good form.

And then she died giving birth and he was left with a little baby boy with reddish brown hair and blue eyes.

When he held him for the first time in his arms, he knew. _It was love_.

So he kept him. His son, Liam Jones.

**_II._ **

**_When you're standing at the crossroads_ **  
**_And don't know which path to choose_ **  
**_Let me come along_ **

He noticed her green eyes right away and it gave him a funny feeling. Something he had not felt in a long time.

_It wasn’t love_ , he said. It was noticing a pretty lass.

And then she put a knife on his throat and called him a liar. She bested him. Nobody had bested him a long, long time.

_It wasn’t love_ , he said. It was admiration.

When she pulled him towards her on the treasure room, his entire body hummed a tune he’d never heard before.

_It wasn’t love_ , he said. It was attraction.

And then she chained him to that wall and he lost his mind, his poise. He was desperate. He needed to go back.

“Have I told you a lie?” He pleaded.

“I cannot take a chance that I’m wrong about you…” She said.

“Swan!” He yelled. “Look at me!” She heard the silent plea in his voice and something made her turn around.

“I will help you get back to your son. I won’t betray you, I promise.” His voice was so full of truth that her walls came down instantly, almost against her will. Something made her go back and release him.  A pirate on their side will come in handy to get out of there, she thought.

_It wasn’t love_ , she said. It was convenience.

He stayed with her all the way through, until they were able to retrieve the ashes from Cora.  He was cunning and convincing and had no problem with doing the dirty work. He only asked that when the time was right, he’d go with them.

He risked his life for her.  He hadn’t done that in a long time; he had never intended to do it again. But every time he thought about crossing her, the idea of her never returning to her son made him stop.

_It wasn’t love_ , he said. It was guilt.

And then they were ready. They had the ashes and the compass and all they needed to do was head to Lake Nostos.

“We need to make one final stop.” He told her, a plea in his eyes. And she agreed, something in his blue eyes was telling her it was important.

_It wasn’t love_ , she said. It was curiosity.

Then they were approaching a cottage and a small boy with brown hair and blue eyes came running towards them.

And Emma Swan watched how Captain Hook got on his knees and hugged the boy tightly, tears of joy in his eyes.

And she understood. _That was love._

He stood by her side when Cora attacked them, the fairest of them all protecting Liam with her bow and sword as he and Emma battled the witch. When he watched Cora tried to take her heart, his own heart stopped, fear running through his veins.

And then her magic blasted Cora and he sighed in relief.

_It wasn’t love_ , he said. It was the memories.

He held Liam tight in his arms, looked at Emma and nodded. They jumped.

**_III._ **

**_I'll stand by you_ **  
**_Take me in, into your darkest hour_ **  
**_And I'll never desert you_ **

The first thing he noticed was a brown haired boy, only a few years older than Liam, running towards her.  

And he smiled.

The second thing he noticed was the Dark One standing right there, giving him a snarky grin.

“Well, well, well, look what came through the portal…” Gold sneered.

He stood in front of Liam, shielding his son from danger… a primal sense of protection invading him.

Gold noticed. “And look what the pirate has… I shall have fun with this.” He said before raising his hand.

“NO!” Emma screamed as he stood next to him. “You will not touch them.” She ordered.

Something in her made the Dark One retaliate, giving the pirate one final death glare before disappearing.

His eyes looked at her with gratitude. “Thank you, Swan.”

She smiled at him.

_It wasn’t love_ , she said. It was her duty as sheriff.

This world was strange, very strange.  He noticed Liam’s frightened stare and his heart broke. He needed to figure this out for his son’s safety.

Swan helped him. She found them a place to stay, near her, just in case Gold decided to attack them. She explained about schools, clothing, lodgings, and food. It was all confusing, but he did his best to understand. He’d been a pirate long enough to know that adapting to new situation was key.

She only asked one thing in return. She asked him to give up his revenge. For Liam.

“Give him a chance to have a new life. If you go after Gold, he’ll kill you. He’d be an orphan… do you want that fate for him?” She asked, her eyes filling with tears. A lost girl begging for history not to repeat itself. His own eyes filled with tears as he slowly nodded, giving up three hundred years of revenge and hate for the chance to raise his son. Because he loved him more than the memory of Milah and his promise of revenge.

He collapsed on the floor and cried for his unkempt promise. She kneeled and stood by him.

_It wasn’t love_ , she said. It was human decency.

**_IV._ **

**_When the night falls on you_ **  
**_You don't know what to do_ **  
**_Nothing you confess, could make me love you less_ **

He slowly adapted to this realm. He found work in the docks, next to his old crew. He picked up Liam from school every afternoon and cooked for the lad. He read him stories about fairytales and pirates. He taught him about swordfight and good form. He told him he was named after the most honorable man that had ever walked this or any other realm.

He ran into Emma frequently, either at Granny’s or waiting to pick up their children. She’d smiled and inquired if he needed anything. He’d smiled back and said he was doing fine most of the time, although the nights were a bit lonely in his bed. He’d raise an eyebrow intently at her and she would roll her eyes at him.

_It wasn’t love_ , he said. It was flirting.

And one day the Crocodile took her and her son out of town and he did not stop worrying about her, fearing for her safety.

_It wasn’t love_ , he said. It was common sense. The Dark One was dangerous.

A few days later, he heard a knock on his door late at night. When he answered, she was there, tears running through her eyes.

“Swan…” He whispered before she threw herself into his arms and he hugged her tightly.

She told him the entire tale that night as he poured two tumblers of rum. He knew bits and pieces of the Neal story, how he had broken her heart and her trust.

Neal was Gold’s son. Neal was Baelfire, Milah’s boy.

And Neal was back in town and Henry was mad at her and she couldn’t cope. So there she was, seeking him for something she didn’t have a clue what it was.

But when she finally broke her walls down and cried for the pain the last decade brought on her, the pain of abandoning her son, the pain of feeling a pawn in someone else’s game; he held her tight and stood by her.

_It wasn’t love_ , he said. It was friendship. He’d stand by her as she stood by him.

He didn’t leave her alone after that. Every time she turned, there he was: a silent, comforting presence. As she endured her son’s temper, Gold’s insinuations to give Neal another chance, her mother’s believe in true love and second chances, he just stood by her. He would give her his flirty smirk and outrageous innuendos if he felt she needed to laugh or he would just sigh, ran his hand through his hair and tell her that this shall pass eventually.  He would invite her and Henry to have ice cream with him and Liam, or just to stay with him at his place and have dinner.

_It wasn’t love_ , she said. It was friendship.  He only had so very few friends in town.

And then one day he stood _for_ her in front of Neal, when he was threatening her about taking Henry.

When he saw Baelfire belittle her, something in him snapped. How dare he even consider talking to her after everything he’d done? He wasn’t worthy to even breathe in the same space as Emma: strong, fierce, tough Swan. Beautiful Swan.

_His Swan._

As Neal finally left, he turned around and looked at her. He could read in her eyes the same awe and realization that was dawning on him.

His hand cupped her cheek as a soft smile came to his face. She looked at him with her beautiful green eyes full of hope, a small smile on her face as well.

And then he leaned in and kissed her.

_It wasn’t love_ , he’d said so many times.  
_It wasn’t love_ , she’d said so many times.

It turned out, _it was_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Miranda! I just knew I had to write again in this verse for you!!!

“We should go out.” He whispered, sitting closely next to her at Granny’s, resisting the urge to hold her hand and interlace their fingers.

“You mean, like dinner or something?” She asked smiling shyly and he got lost in her eyes.

It had been a week. A week of stolen glances and hidden heated kisses. A week of sneaking for just a few minutes early in the morning after dropping the kids at school, or stopping by the station for a soft kiss while her father was on patrol, or just cornering her at the back alley of Granny’s whenever he had the chance. They were taking any opportunity they got to test if what they were feeling was true before they faced the music of telling everyone that Captain Hook and the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming had feelings for each other.

“Aye, dinner. A chance to properly court you, Swan.” He said tilting his head, his eyes looking hopefully at her.

She hesitated, biting her lower lip and considering his words. A date would mean that she'd have to admit certain things to certain people. Mainly Henry.

“If it’s a bad idea…” He backtracked, slowly shifting away from her and she instinctively reached out, her hand going to his thigh.

“No,” She said, “It’s not a bad idea… I just need to figure out what to do with Henry. What to tell him.” She finished in a whisper.

“Aye, I know. I suppose I should talk to Liam too.” Killian said, running his head through his hair. “And figure out what to do with him that night....”

“I’ll babysit.” They both turned around to look at Ruby, standing a few steps away behind the counter. She walked towards them and rested her arms over the counter, bending her head in secrecy. “It’s about time you two decided to go out. Come on, it’s obvious to anyone who is paying attention.” She took a moment to chuckle at their shocked faces, “Which none of them are, because they are either in denial ( _your mother_ she mouthed to Emma) or they want to pretend is not happening ( _your father_ she mouthed again).” She gave them a wolfish grin, “But it shows and your kids most _definitely_ suspect something is up. So for the love of God, please stop hiding, talk to your children and go out in public already!”

Killian chuckled before turning around and giving Emma a hopeful smile, “Friday?”

“Yeah,” She nodded, averting her gaze and reaching to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. His hand reached out as well, his fingers grazing her hand and she lifted her eyes to look at him. “Friday sounds good.”

That same day, Emma sat with Henry on his old castle spot and told him that she was going out on a date with Hook. She took a deep breath and explained to him that Neal would always have an important place in her life because it had given her him. But a lot had happened and they were different people and she didn’t want to be with him. Henry gave her a smirk and told her that he and Liam had already figured out that something was going on between her and Killian and they were waiting to see when they’d talk to them. He only asked if he could have a sleepover at Liam’s that night so they could see pirate movies.

On Friday night, Killian heard an insistent knock on his door and went to answer nervously, trying to ignore Ruby’s chuckles behind him. When he opened the door, Henry was standing there, bouncing on his feet. “Hi Killian!” He greeted before he ran directly into the apartment, looking for Liam.

But Killian wasn’t paying attention to anything other than the sight of Emma in a lovely pink dress, her hair up in a ponytail, standing nervously in the hallway.

“Swan, you look stunning.” He said after a few minutes.

Her eyes scanned him up and down, from the dark denim of his pants to the blue of his button up shirt and the black of his leather jacket.

“You look…” She started but he cut her off with a smirk and a little of his old pirate swagger.

“I _know_.” He said. Emma rolled her eyes at him but before she could say anything, he had grabbed her hand and planted a soft kiss on her knuckles. “You truly look beautiful, love.” He whispered and she smiled shyly at him.

“We should go.” She said in a soft voice before she looked into the apartment, “Henry, be nice and listen to Ruby, ok? I’ll see you later.”

“Bye mom, have a nice time.”

“Liam…” Killian turned around to look at his boy, beaming as he stood next to Henry. “You be a good lad, and pay attention to what Ruby says.”

“Aye, Papa.”

“Get out of here!” Ruby hurried them out of the apartment.

#-#

Killian took her to a small italian restaurant with checkered tablecloth and candlelights on every table. She reached out for his hand shyly as they entered the place and he smiled as he interlaced their fingers together. They were seated quickly, and even though they could hear the gossiping around, it certainly didn’t matter to them as they got lost into each other’s eyes.

They were almost finishing their past when Emma’s phone rang. She took one quick look at it and her features changed in worrying.  “It’s Ruby.” She said alarmed as she connected the call. “Ruby, what is it?” She asked and her face faltered a little when she heard Ruby’s words. “Alright, just…” She looked at Killian “Take it, it’s Liam.”

His heart sank as he took the phone Emma was giving him, “Ruby?” He asked in a strained voice. Emma watched the worry in his eyes, the way his hook fidgeted and she quickly made a sign to the waiter to bring the check while Killian was still talking to Ruby.

“Aye, thank you. We - we will be right there.” Killian said as he disconnected the call and looked at Emma, his handsome features etched with distress. “Liam has been throwing up and has a fever. I - we -”

Emma put her hand above his, “It’s ok, I’ve asked for the check. We’ll head back immediately.”

“I’m sorry…” He started to apologize but she cut him off with a smile.

“No apologies needed, let’s go take care of your son.”

They quickly paid the bill and the moment they left the restaurant, he pulled her to him, capturing her lips in a soft, grateful kiss. “You’re a marvel, Swan.” He whispered.

#-#

Killian entered his apartment hastily, looking for Liam. Ruby went to meet him, “I’ve called Victor, he’s with him now.” 

Killian turned around to look at Emma with apologetic eyes, “I - I have to-”

“Go!” She said with an encouraging smile as she reached to hug Henry and gave Ruby a soft smile.

“Sorry to cut your date short…” Ruby said.

“It’s ok, don’t worry about it.” Emma said as she sat with Henry and Ruby on the couch.

It was only about 10 minutes later that Whale and Killian emerged from the room. Killian was holding Liam in his arms, his features attentive to Whale’s words.

“Like I said, it’s probably just a virus. Give him any antipyretic you have to control the fever, have him drink lots of fluids and monitor him for the next 48 hours. If he throws up again, give me call and we’ll run some tests at the hospital.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Killian said.

Whale gave him a curt nod of his head, “No worries.” He turned around to look at Ruby. “Ruby, would you like me to give you a ride home? I - I mean, it’s on my way.” He said hesitantly.

Ruby gave him a wolfish grin, “That would be great, thank you.” She turned around to look at Killian, “You guys don’t need me for anything else, do you?”

“No, it’s fine. Thank you, milady.” Killian said and Ruby smiled at them before leaving with Whale.

Killian turned around to look at Emma, still sitting on the couch with Henry, a soft smile on his face.

“Papa,” Liam said, his blue eyes looking at him pleadingly, “Can Emma and Henry stay a while longer? I don’t want to go to bed just yet…”

“They are more than welcome to stay if it pleases them, lad.” Killian said as he turned around and looked at Emma, “What do you say, Swan? Do you and Henry want to keep us company for a little while?”

Emma exchanged a brief look with Henry, “Sure,” She smiled. “We can watch a movie if you want.”

“We can watch _The Goonies_!” Henry said eagerly and Killian nodded, carefully putting Liam on the floor before walking towards Emma.

She looked at her pink dress shyly, “I am not dressed for a stay-in movie night.”

He tilted his head, his eyes giving her a tender look, “You look _fantastic_ , Swan, but if you want to be more comfortable, I could get you something else to wear.” He finished scratching behind his ear.

“That’d be great, thank you.”

Killian turned around and faced his son, “Liam, you and Henry set up that movie thing while I fetch Emma something to wear.” He quickly disappeared into his room and came back after a few minutes carrying a stack of folded clothing.

“Here you go, love.” He said smiling, “I’m not sure how they are going to fit… but it’s all I have.”

She gave him a soft smile as she moved to the bathroom to change. He’d given her some flannel pajama pants and a long sleeve grey shirt, and while they looked slightly big on her, she felt comfortable in them. It was probably because they smelled just like him, she thought as she hugged herself and took a deep sniff.

When she got back into the living room, Killian was comfortably seated on the couch, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He had taken his shoes off and removed his hook, which lay on the coffee table next to him. Liam and Henry were laying on the floor, nearby by the television, with blankets and pillows.

Emma moved to sit next to him on the couch and Henry started the movie. Killian reached for her hand and interlaced their fingers and it took Emma just a few moments before she crossed his arm across her shoulders and leaned her head on his shoulder. She felt him smiling as he pressed a kiss to her hair and shifted closer.

When the movie titles rolled up, they both looked at Henry and Liam’s still forms.

“I think they fell asleep..” Killian said.

“I should - perhaps - wake up Henry and go…” Emma whispered.

“I - Liam’s room was ready for him to stay.” Killian said hesitantly, “Do you really want to wake him up?  Let me take them to the room and you can stay a little longer,” He said, his eyes darting to her lips as his hand fidgeted with a lock of her hair.

“Ok.” She whispered.

“I’ll be right back.” Killian said before brushing her lips softly with his.

Emma watched as he carefully lifted Liam and carried him to the bedroom before he came back and did the same with Henry. When he came back into the room he extended her his hand with a soft smile. She took it and stood up and let him led her to the kitchen.

“I had planned to woo you with this chocolate extravaganza they had at the restaurant,” He said as he reached for one of the kitchen counters and pulled a bottle, “But I only have chocolate ice cream and rum.” He said sheepishly.

“That works for me,” Emma said as she reached for the fridge to pull out the icecream and help him scoop a couple of spoons in dessert bowls before he poured a slosh of rum over each.

She took a spoonful of the ice cream and let the flavors invade her mouth. “This is sooo good.” She said.

“I’m sorry we had to cut our evening out short, Swan.” Killian said sheepishly, taking a full spoon of the ice cream for himself.

“Don’t apologize,” Emma said smiling. She took a moment to study him, carelessly standing in his kitchen in modern clothes and eating icecream. She still couldn’t believe this was the same man she met all those months ago in the Enchanted Forest, and how much they had gone through. “Killian…” She whispered and he lifted his head to look at her, “I’m going to let you in on a little secret of this realm.” She said, her tongue darting to moisture her lower lip.

He changed his stance, his own tongue darting to wet his upper lip, “What?” He asked in husky whisper.

“Daddies are hot…” She whispered, her eyes connecting with his as she took a step closer to him.

“Hot?” He asked tilting his head.

“Mhmm - mmmm” She nodded. “You know what _hot_ means, right?” She asked in a velvety voice.

“ _Alluring_?” He said in a lilting voice, his hand reaching for her face, his head leaning closer to hers.

“Something like that.” She whispered and she lifted her face and her lips met his.

It was soft at the beginning, but soon it escalated, her tongue darting out to meet his, her arms roaming over his shoulders and back, his arms snaking her waist and pulling her closer to him. His mouth trailed kisses on her neck as he spun them around in the kitchen. They clumsily stumbled towards the couch, careful not to make any noises. She collapsed on her back on the couch and pulled him to join her. He hovered over her, his hand caressing every part of her body he could, his kisses more fervent than before. Her hands travelled around his body, desperate to feel his skin, his warmth and heat enveloping her.

They stopped eventually, both panting and breathing deeply as he rested his forehead on her shoulder. He lifted his head to give her a hooded look, “You deserve more than a couch, love.” He whispered before pressing a soft kiss on her lips, “You  -you can stay here if you want, I can take the couch, you can sleep on my bed.” He offered gallantly.

She gave him a shy smile, “That is just silly, Killian… they’ve already seen us together. I mean if you dont’ want... “ She trailed off.

He brushed his lips against hers, “Of course I want to sleep next to you, Swan. I just didn’t think it was proper behavior for a first date.”

She blushed deeply, and stuttered, “What I meant was - not that we - I mean, I usually don’t -er - pillage and plunder on the first date.” She finished hastily.

He chuckled and pulled away from her, softly reaching to help her sat on the couch, “I know, Swan. I wasn’t talking about that. In all fair honesty, lass,” He said, dropping his voice an octave into a husky tone, “I can’t ravish you properly with my 5 year old and your 11 year old in the next room, Emma.”

She bit her lower lip, a soft smile coming to her lips. “And…” She said, “There are other topics we should discuss, like you know, _protection_.” She blushed again and he found the tint on her cheeks endearing.

“The good doctor already gave me that talk, lass.”

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise, “ _What_?”

“Aye,” He said, reaching to scratch behind his ear, “One of the first times I took Liam for a visit, he drew blood from me too and then asked me all sorts of _personal_ questions and what not…”

“You got _tested_?”

“I believe the word he used when he saw me again was _clear_.” He said sheepishly. “And then gave me all sorts of materials to read and other _things_.”

It was Emma’s time to feel his embarrassment endearing, “Look at you, all 21st century man.”

“Well, that is a conversation I am not looking forward to have with m’boy, Swan.” He admitted. “Luckily, I have all the time in the world.” He stood and pulled her on her feet, capturing her on his arms, “I’m going to check on the boys and get changed… feel free to head to the bedroom if you want. I’ll be right there.” He finished pressing a soft kiss on her forehead.  


#-#

They had all the intention to _just_ sleep together, but after he checked on their kids and came back wearing flannel nautic themed pajama pants and a white shirt; they lay in bed, talking comfortably with each other. She snuggled next to him, as they recalled events of the week, stopping to give each other soft kisses and light caresses. The kisses and caresses slowly heated up and when he looked at her with lustful eyes, silently asking her permission, she simply nodded before reaching out to pull him closer to her. It was something like Emma had never experienced before: a slow burning fire of intimacy, the sense of finally belonging in someone’s arms, in someone’s life, soft whispers and tender touches that left them both sated and fulfilled like they had never felt before.

  
#-#

When the first rays of the sun softly basked her skin, her first thought was that she had no urge to run. For the first time in over a decade, she felt at ease waking up in someone else’s bed. She turned around and her heart stopped as she found the bed empty. But she didn’t have time to feel afraid when the door softly opened and Killian walked back in, hair beautifully disheveled and sleepy eyes.

“Good morning, love. I was checking on the boys.” He said as he climbed into bed and pulled her closer to him, “Liam’s fever is down and they are both sleeping. I think we have a few more minutes.” He whispered before he reached to kiss her, his lips moving tenderly against hers. He gave her a soft, calm smile when he pulled out and his eyes bored into hers, full of hope and calm and quietness, light and warmth engulfing them both. Her heart beated in her chest with something she couldn’t define.

He noticed the change in her features and lifted an eyebrow, silently questioning her.

“Killian, I – l” She started, trying to put into words what she was feeling.

It wasn’t love, could it be? Not after a week of stolen kisses, half a date and only one night together. It couldn't’ be love, not so soon. But _yet…_ lying in his arms, she couldn’t help but feeling that it was.

He seemed to read her again, like the open book he claimed she was for him, because he softly caressed her cheek and whispered. “ _I know_.” He pressed a soft kiss on her lips, and spoke against her mouth, “ _me too_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics in bold: I'll Stand by You, The Pretenders.


End file.
